first trimester

Since I'd always heard that being pregnant was all magical rainbows and butterfly kisses, I was in no way prepared for the suck fest that was my first trimester.

The first trimester of my pregnancy was about as fun as having taste buds in your asshole.

All I did was barf, cry, sleep, think about sleeping, feel like I'm gonna barf all day, cry and barf simultaneously and cry about being so tired.

the barfing
I do not like to use the term "morning sickness" because it's all lies. Not only is it not just mornings - it's all the damn time -  but it's also certainly not the romantic rite of passage some people make it out to be.

For a while there, anything I had the audacity to try and eat would come right back out to laugh in my face. I was merely a helpless passenger in the psychotic barf-train that had taken over my tiny body.

I spent a lot of time face-the-face with the white porcelain gods who live at the bottom of my toilet, but the barfing was not limited to the toilet. There were street barfs, garbage barfs, bus barfs, dry-heaves during office meetings, bath barfs…the barf train was no joke, world.

the crying
Pretty much everything made me burst into tears, or at the very least made me weepy.

I would cry during the Family Feud because Lil' Bo Jr. couldn't name three things to do with snow.

I would cry because dog did something really cute.
I would cry because I offered someone some of my gummy bears to be polite and they actually took one.

the fatigue
This one has not gone away.

Every single day, I wake up feeling like I've just run a marathon in moon boots with a backpack full of bowling balls strapped on my back.

At all times, all I want to do is lay the side of my face on the nearest flat surface and call it a day.

The fatigue that has come with the human-baking process may just be the end of me.

And these are just the main things that made my life hell during the first three months. I could keep going…but please, I'm tired!


  1. Oh. Oh wow. I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry along with you.

  2. I can certainly relate. I'm in my first trimester, and I cried while watching an episode of Law & Order. Shocked I could keep my eyes open for the whole entire episode, frankly.

  3. oh so true. I was a teacher during my first pregnancy. Turned off the lights so my 4th graders could see the overhead projector, and while they were working on their math problems, I closed my eyes *just for a minute* and fell asleep.

  4. Pregnancy hormones are kicking my @$$ today (in week 24/40). Our 1.5 year old has a nightmare, hubby sooths him back to sleep, and I have a bawling meltdown at 4:30am. All I could do was sob “pp-ppp-preggy hormones … what the fu<k?!” Hubby just rubbed my back and laugh into the pillow. This morning learned there will be minor child care issues in October 2014, teary meltdown … it’s two years away!!! WTF IS THIS?!? Being pregnant with our little boy only made me curt and slightly angry all the time! Not this girly weepy crap. Arrgh!!

  5. I feel so terrible for your symptoms. I'm almost to week 12 and luckily skipped the morning sickness, but totally got the full brunt of fatigue. I feel dead at like 6 in the evening.